Letter to Jane Goodall

Dear Ms Goodall,

We have heard about you from our cousins in Africa.  We are members of the long forgotten Vaanar Sena, our name is etched in Indian history for our efforts in the epic Ram – Ravan Battles thousands of years ago. Since then we have lived a quiet life in the jungles and the fringes of Indian cities. You will be wondering why we are trying to communicate with you now. We have some startling news for you – Darwin was wrong.   

We silently accepted the Theory of Evolution as we had no way to communicate with homo sapiens. (Those experiments of your white-coated researchers are a big joke amongst us. Enticing us with pieces of fruit while we solved childish puzzles…..hahaha….what could be lemur than that?) We always believed, we are the superior race but we lost out on the huge public relations campaigns that you humans carried out. But today we are on the threshold of  proving everyone wrong and it is but fitting that this discovery comes out of India. (You may recall that India also discovered the value of zero – in real terms a zero is emptiness but this emptiness has significant importance – look at most Indian politicians).

Sorry for the digression, where were we? Ahh… we were talking about Darwin and his gibbonish. His theory said as a species evolves it modifies and betters itself to be successful in its survival. Therefore you all accepted that humans evolved from monkeys and therefore you are a higher race but we have been around langur. Darwin did not foresee devolution as a possibility. The human form seems to be the inflexion point in evolution and now it is regressing.

You ask how is that possible? We are seeing signs of it in South and West India. Young humans are taking on our habits and customs. They are adapting and enforcing the laws of the jungle in cities. They roam around in batches armed with sticks and stones attacking people especially the helpless, they destroy things around. Like our young they attack females they cant court and object to inter species courting. They have war cries very similar to kreegah, bundolo…..Fugaaaa, bhand karo….. At the rate they are going humans in Bangalore will need to have valid rhesuns to sip a cup of capuchino.

We look to you to evangelise this revolutionary discovery with the rest of the world.

Signed,

Secretary, Vaanar Sena, Big Banyan Tree, Bangalore